Visitation & Funeral

The little girls and I left College Station and got to Sanger about 2 on Wednesday, the 27th. We got to Mom's house, changed clothes and went up to Visitation. Technically, because of COVID, visitation was just come and go all day. Melbo & GG had been there most of the day, but left to get Melbo's hair done. Dad got there at 3:30, after work, which is also when we arrived. Between 3:30 and 5, about 12-15 people stopped by.

So, usually with open caskets, I don't even view the body. I feel like I know what they looked like and don't need to see them again. But, with Pa, I really wanted to see him one more time. I hadn't seen him in person since Christmas, because of COVID (we hadn't traveled home) and just wanted to see him. But, honestly, I was taken back. He didn't look like Pa to me. I know that coloring will be different. But, even his cheeks didn't look full and his smile was strange. We later learned that they didn't know he didn't have many teeth and they put some in before they sewed his mouth shut. So, that could have been part of it. But, he just looked different. I know he lost weight before too. Anyways, it took me back and while I was confused, I couldn't stop just looking at him. Am I weird? probably. Melbo had told me when I was there the first time, that she was dressing him in his Levi's and a button down shirt, just like he liked. He wore his boots too. He also wore his leather belt that Dad had made with a championship team roping belt buckle. They had his cowboy hat sitting there too. The flowers were perfect and gorgeous. GG had the florist use a rope in them and the florist had made the most beautiful rustic arrangement of wildflower and flowers. It really suited Pa so well.

The girls started off quiet, but then got louder while they sort of played in the area of pews. I offered to take them and go, but Daddy thought they were fine. It was awhile before Everly realized that Pa was in the casket. And this is where I became so interested in listening to her and watching her. Grace knew he was there and had seen him. Everly, however, realized it and asked me "Why is Pa in there?" "Why he not talking? Why is he sleeping?" I would explain to her again about Pa dying and being in heaven, but his body was still here. I would tell her that he didn't need his body in heaven, so it was our job to bury him in the casket in the ground. She asked me "What shape hole will he be buried in?" and then again she'd ask why he wasn't moving or talking. But, she was so innocent about it and kept quietly going up to look at him. She was precious and sweet. We went outside at one point and she picked up some leaves and carried them around. Then, when we came back in, she looked at him again. Melbo, Molly & Dad went (it was 5:00 then) to go tell the people we were leaving. And while they did, I snapped this photo of her. I thought that was probably frowned upon, but I did it anyways. (little did I know until funeral day, that Melbo wanted pictures of Pa - which I thought was VERY strange, but of course we did it). It was sweet to watch Everly wondering and asking questions and figuring things out in her little, sweet, 4 year old mind.

When we started to leave, Melbo walked over to him, patted his chest, and kissed him and said "see you tomorrow." She's so strong and I'm so sad for her.

Grace went home with us. She actually had stayed and slept in Melbo's bed with her the night before. I loved that because it is special. Nobody, other than Pa, has slept with Melbo in a ton of years probably. Melbo called her a monkey because she never stopped moving, but told me later that she just loved that Grace stayed with her and slept with her in her bed. Vic and I hope Grace remembers that forever, because it is special.

The next morning, we all got ready and left about 9 am to head to the cemetery. They planned to set up the graveside service in the parking lot, as opposed to the graveyard because it was supposed to rain all day and the ground was already wet and muddy. We didn't want everyone to have to walk down through the wet ground and back. So, they setup two tents with socially distanced chairs (side note: I hadn't really even paid COVID any mind during this entire ordeal - I never wore a mask, nor did anyone else when we were gathered as family; I was glad - I am over the COVID fears even though I know we have to take it seriously. But, I was glad that Melbo, GG, Mom & Dad were not hesitant to just let things be and let everyone be together naturally); over 80 people attended (that I could count). Lots of Erwin family members, and lots of old people that I knew, such as Raedean Clinton, our vet Dr. Moynagh & his wife, GG's teacher friends like Mrs. McMahon, Brenda Head, Sally Cates and of course Rita & Jim. There were others that I didn't know or couldn't see behind masks. I would say about 1/3 of the people wore masks and I was fine with that. I know older people are especially susceptible to problems if they get COVID. Although I did have to ask a couple of people their names, since I couldn't see them behind the masks. But, that was ok. Melbo and GG were so kind and put masks on if they talked to people in masks and then took them off again. So, there were lots of people there. My kids were the only kids and they all were fine. Atticus struggled, as he always does in these situations; he has the kindest, most sincere heart and he has a hard time with these things. He hadn't seen Pa and hadn't been there, so it was more of him to take in right away.

When it was time to start, they had people sit down, although there was only enough room for probably 32 people to sit, because of the socially distanced chairs. And nobody would sit - you know how people are "I'm ok - you sit down instead". So, Melbo, GG & Mom sat on the front row and then my 3 big kids sat and then finally other family members or older people would sit. The weather, on a side note, was perfect. It had been very hot the day before, but not raining. It was not raining then either and had a cool breeze and was overcast. I think it was the perfect situation, since we were expecting terrible raining. That was a great relief. And did I mention that because of COVID, we had to do this graveside? We couldn't even be in the church because of the CDC guidelines. The service was performed by their pastor at Gateway and the music was done by John, a music person at their church. They both did a great job and both knew Melbo & Pa well, so it was meaningful. They played Lily of the Valley, which was Pa's favorite hymn and Amazing Grace. Pa's actual favorite song was Milk Cow Blues, but John said he didn't know that one. haha! Joe, Pa's brother, did the eulogy and spoke of the fact that Pa did for others no matter what. And that was true of Pa in his life. He would give to others if they needed it, no matter what. The preacher said he asked Melbo, if in 72 years, she had ever considered divorce? And Melbo said: "Divorce, no. Murder? yes." And I've heard her say that before. Both the preacher and Joe talked about the fact that Pa had lived during a generation where nobody had anything; where he fought in WWII and survived a kamikaze attempt that killed 26 people on his ship and one right next to where he was when the plane hit the ship. They talked about his love for his family and that he wasn't one to outright tell you why you should follow Jesus, but lived his life that way. And Melbo said that she knew of some people who turned their lives to Jesus just because of Pa's example. They talked about how he read his Bible. And this I didn't even know until I'd come the weekend before: But, GG said she saw Pa outside one day sitting in his chair in his shop with the garage door up reading his Bible. She said she didn't know he did that, but Melbo said she knew and he'd been doing it for awhile. He didn't ever have any specific favorite verses that he talked about, but he knew his Bible and read it and loved and served God just about as good as anyone I know. Pa worked hard and provided and scrimped and saved. He was funny because he wanted to know what everyone was doing all the time and remembered everything. His mind was sharp until he passed. I'm getting side tracked, but these are things I want to write down.

Anyways, after the service was over, Daddy got some men, including Vic & Charley and some others to help lift the casket and put it into the cement box. The men who handled burials were there and helping lift and instruct. It was interesting, because first, we didn't have pallbearers because there was no church service. And usually that is the job of the pallbearers. But, also because this setup was not over the gravesite, but in the parking lot, they still had to move Pa down to his spot to bury him. So, while normally, after the burial service, everyone leaves and then they bury the person, on this day, we just watched them do it. So, they got him in the cement box and put the lid on it. And then a few of us followed the tractor carrying Pa's casket down to the hole that was dug. And we watched them lower him and cover him up with dirt. Because other Erwin family members are buried in this cemetery, some Erwin's were already walking around out there. I actually liked the family feel of everyone watching him be officially buried instead of just leaving him there to be buried later after we went. I even took photos of the day. I wasn't going to just post them on instagram or anything, but GG and Melbo wanted photos of Pa in the casket, which were strange to me at first. But, I took more of people and the morning. I'll post some here, but they are just for us to have, not really to share everywhere.

We loaded up flowers and people and everyone left. It was a good service and a good day. Melbo and GG did not fall apart. GG cried easily, but Melbo has been so strong this entire week. She rode back to the house with me in the minivan with the two little girls. Vic followed us in his truck. And I think Grace & Atticus were with GG. Mom & Dad led us. Anyways, I asked her how she was doing and she said "well, I'm doing ok. I think I cried more and was more sad when he was in such pain and I couldn't help him." So, while we all kept waiting for her to just fall apart and that was ok, she really hadn't.

We spent the afternoon eating all of the food that had been brought by and visiting and listening to stories. I kept recording stories and still plan to write them down from the recordings this week. Also, Daddy, Charley, Vic and I (and Ana until I think maybe her allergies must have bothered her), went down to the barn to see what was there. Pa was of the generation to keep everything. In the attic, there were mostly old tires and some old stuff. In his tack rooms, he had saddles and his horse stuff. He had two big rooms full of any tool, any old thing that he might need someday, etc. I learned that Pa used to take his cattle to the Fort Worth Stock Show to compete and won all the time for having the best cattle. He had his own banners hung up on the wall. He also had a sticker that said "Sex has no calories". haha! Such a Pa thing to have hidden there. We also walked out to his shop where he has so much more stuff. We saw his Bible sitting there opened to a chapter in Mark. I took a photo because I want to read that section too just to know what he last read. I don't know, after the hurt his back, the last time he went to his shop or to the barn. It makes me sad to know there wasn't much closure for him in either of those places.

We even played one game of 42 in his honor. Pa loved 42. He always bid high when he didn't even have a hand. And somehow, he would pull out a win. He would bid on his partner too and somehow, pulled out a win a lot of the time.

For a funeral, and experience, this was a good day. Sad, but good. Vic and Atticus headed back home and the girls and I went back to Mom & Dad's. Hazel was done - ooh, she was tough this week. All week, she gave me a hard time. I think it started during the stay-at-home stuff when all of a sudden, all of our worlds were rocked and everyone was home all the time. She has started tantrums and is SO loud when she's unhappy. It can make it hard to visit with anyone. But, it had been a long day. And, we needed to get home.